An Inspirational Message on Self-Esteem

Something to think about:

Excerpt from The Myth of Self-Esteem.

Once you unperfectionistically, some of the time, strive to do what you can do, you have laid the groundwork for unconditional acceptance of yourself, others, and the difficult world. To summarize some of the main things I have been saying:

Try, try, and try again for the success, the love, the artistic and material things you want and to minimize what you don’t want. But—

• Accept the frustrations, hassles, pain, disgust, and depression you no longer want but can’t reduce.

• Accept the disapproval, neglect, scorn, resentment, jealousy, and hostility of others. Don’t hurt yourself by their names and gestures.

• Accept without liking your failing and incompetence. But try, try again!

• Accept unfair treatment from others. Forgiveness, not revenge, may change it in the future. But nothing has to work!

• Accept your self, your being, your aliveness but do your best to change some of the inept and moral behaviors.

• Accept control of your own sabotaging ways. Accept help but not dependency on others. Be autonomous but not narcissistic.

• Accept meaning and purpose in life and make long-range, ongoing vital absorbing interests that you choose.

• Accept your mortality and don’t forgo the one life you definitely have for a promised afterlife.

• Accept that magic won’t solve your problems but hard work and effort may alleviate them.

• Accept the fact that you are a social creature and can live without the goodwill and cooperation of others—but pretty badly. Unconditional other-acceptance (UOA) will help you preserve and enjoy others and ward off human extinction.

• Accept your (and others’) human fallibility. Damning yourself for your inadequacies will hardly make you (or anyone) less fallible!

• Accept your proneness to good and bad feelings. You can, with hard work and reflection, improve your self- and other-destructive feelings. But achieving minimal feelings will achieve minimal aliveness. Reflect and change your destructive feelings—but don’t make yourself into a zombie!

• Accept the fact that you are a person who thinks, feels, and behaves. Interactionally! You feel the way you think and behave, behave the way you think and feel, and think the way you feel and behave. All three! You can change all three—with the help of the other two.

• Accept persistent thinking, feeling, and acting. You can start right now; but time and persistent practice are the great healers!

• Accept the fact that self-control is the most effective control that you have.

• Accept that acceptance is largely compassion—for you and your self, for others and their self, and for the troubled world and its self. Once again, all three.