I want a love that’s delicious and forgiving. Delicate and strong. Warm and cozy. A love that is slow growing and weathers the storm. Love and relationships are interesting in my life (interesting meaning nonexistent). Not 100% sure why but I think I have ideas. Being in a transitional phase may have a big part of it. Recently joining the workforce and leaving college life behind is certainly a big one. I’m still crawling around in the dark to find my life—and to make things more complicated, I wear glasses, so it’s really hard to see. My past with relationships probably clouds my view of the whole thing—jading me from a positive perspective of hope and opportunity. Guys my age are also delusional. I see this with sincerity, but they seriously have no idea what they’re doing or what they want. I can’t be bothered with the casual relationship business anymore. It’s just far too exhausting and not worth my time. At the end of a long day at work, I don’t want to be randomly called at 11pm to “hang out”—and we all know what that means. I need to feel needed and wanted and cherished. I may seem tough on the outside, but I’m still really a silly girl at heart, naive and scared and wanting to be held. I think the brash part of my personality makes this a difficult fact to comprehend and accept, however, it’s the most honest part about me.
Over the last six months, I’ve been really self-reflective. This shouldn’t come to surprise to anyone (especially myself) since I do this often. But for some reason it seems different—feels different. I think the numerous life changes have compounded into self-reflection and my brain is going numb from all the thought. The dating thing is somewhat of a sore spot for me, and I really need to get over it all. As the old saying goes (something like this), I’m never going to find someone thinking all negative about everything or looking for it, for that matter.
And now I’m rambling and not sure what I was trying to say all along. Happy Saturday. Saw “In Good Company” and I’m content.